Wednesday, March 17, 2010

God Bless the Irish (Watch out for Armando!)

It's St. Patty's Day, ma lads! Are you wearing green? If not, pinch yourself in chastisement!

On a serious note, on this greenish day we celebrate the feast day of St. Patrick, patron saint of Ireland. Many question his actual contribution to Irish history, and some even question whether he even existed. Folks, St. Patrick DID exist and as far as I'm concerned STILL exists, perhaps more so now than he did while on earth.

Perhaps if we pray to him earnestly, he can vanish the snakes in DC.

On a Related Note...

I'm sure that all of you have heard several stories of Christmas elves gone bad (the most famous one being that of Starky the Elf who later changed his name to Dirty Durell), but here's a story of a leprechaun who is bad to the core. His name: Armando. Armando is a leprechaun with a reputation for silently breaking into the homes of unsuspecting urbanites, drinking all their liquor and scrawling graffiti all over their walls. He hits mostly on St. Patrick's day, and has been known to invade dozens of households within this twenty-four hour period.

Last St. Patty's Day, inside the home of a Mr. and Mrs. Bixby of Spokane, Washington, Armando broke in through an unsecured doggie door, and after drinking an entire bottle of Glenlivet, plus a one liter bottle of Beringer Zinfandel, proceeded to draw a picture of Mrs. Bixby's late Boston Terrier on the living room wall with his middle finger extended. You can imagine the horror on Mr. and Mrs. Bixby's face when they got home that night and found all their liquor gone (ha!).

So folks, please be careful this St. Patty's Day. Armando is evil and he's out there somewhere waiting to get drunk and scribble all kinds of offensive images all over your walls. As a matter of fact, he may have already snuck inside your home and is watching you read this post, seeing his plans gradually come to fruition as he sees you shake your head in disbelief. "Oh he doesn't exist," you might declare. But the Bixby's from Spokane can tell you otherwise. The ink used to draw Mrs. Bixby's Boston Terrier was impossible to remove. No amount of alcohol, paint thinner, or napalm could erase the ghastly image of the offensive bowwow. Eventually the entire wall was taken down.

More reports of Armando to follow.


In another case that is being investigated by federal authorities, the barely discernible image of a small man was captured on video making his way inside a Manhattan apartment building with what appeared to be a box of crayola crayons and several cans of spray paint. With phenomenal speed and agility, he was seen taking the stairs all the way to the 23rd floor of the high rise, where he broke inside the apartment of a Mr. Robert Palowski. Law enforcement officials report that after helping himself to a box of Lucky Charms, the intruder raided Mr. Palowski's home bar and helped himself to at least six bottles of miscellaneous cordials, 2 bottles of Vermouth's, and a five gallon bib of margarita mix. The assailant then broke out his graffiti paraphernalia and drew a picture of President Barack Obama and Secretary of State Hilary Clinton in an amorous pose on one of the living room walls. He was then seen exiting the building through the same method he entered.

Mr. Palowski, who at the time of the incident was away on business, was unavailable for comment.


Shirley said...

And a Happy St. Patrick's day to you too!

Tracy said...

Happy St.Patrick's day Tom!!!