I've been gone for a while because I've been busy with things important, and with things not so important. Both soak up my time, unfortunately, and the fact that the days are longer during summer doesn't mean that there are more hours in the day to get things completed. I've selected most of my courses for the fall semester, but there is one more class I'd like to get into. Unfortunately, the class is full, and most professors are unwilling to make the exception of letting one more body slip into their already packed classrooms. I'm going to try to charm my way in (more like plead my way in) on Monday. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
I don't always like to speak about my personal life in great detail, but today I will make a brief allowance. There is someone I've been dating now for sometime. She's a lovely girl. She is three years my senior (a big plus), completed graduate school (Computer Science), and almost likes the same music as I do. Despite the fact that we share a lot in common and that things are going relatively well, there is a difference in our lives that threatens to foil any progression we can make as a couple. I am Catholic, she is not. And she has made a promise to her parents that she will marry a man that follows her religious tradition (I don't know for sure if she actually made that type of promise to her parents, or if pressure from her parents is making her take this position). While she has not explicitly asked me to convert, it seems to me that the prerequisite has subliminally been factored into our conversations.
Would I, starry-eyed, give up my Catholic faith for someone I really liked? No. And she knows this. As a matter of fact, I would be offended if she bluntly requested that I convert to something her parents found suitable. Last week was the last time we spoke about this, and I jokingly suggested that we should go our separate ways if hitting an insurmountable obstacle like that one was inevitable. She smiled, and stated we should continue taking our relationship as far as it goes.
I don't always like to speak about my personal life in great detail, but today I will make a brief allowance. There is someone I've been dating now for sometime. She's a lovely girl. She is three years my senior (a big plus), completed graduate school (Computer Science), and almost likes the same music as I do. Despite the fact that we share a lot in common and that things are going relatively well, there is a difference in our lives that threatens to foil any progression we can make as a couple. I am Catholic, she is not. And she has made a promise to her parents that she will marry a man that follows her religious tradition (I don't know for sure if she actually made that type of promise to her parents, or if pressure from her parents is making her take this position). While she has not explicitly asked me to convert, it seems to me that the prerequisite has subliminally been factored into our conversations.
Would I, starry-eyed, give up my Catholic faith for someone I really liked? No. And she knows this. As a matter of fact, I would be offended if she bluntly requested that I convert to something her parents found suitable. Last week was the last time we spoke about this, and I jokingly suggested that we should go our separate ways if hitting an insurmountable obstacle like that one was inevitable. She smiled, and stated we should continue taking our relationship as far as it goes.
Why do these things happen to me? I think our days together are numbered.
Anyway, that's the gory stuff. Little Critter gets a haircut this weekend. I'll try and post a few pics. Take care and God bless all of you!
19 comments:
So ------- it's true. You do like older women.
This is not looking good for the long term. Go find yourself a nice Catholic girl (if there is such a thing!)
Praying for you Tom, this is not an easy one but your doing the right thing and I'm so proud of you for not wavering on your faith!! Many Blessings:)
Tom, you just never know, she may convert if you two get serious. Take her to Mass with you. Don't give up on it yet :-)
Oh, Tom! What a bummer. I won't say a quandary because I know it isn't one for you.
I hope you charm your way into that class. And don't I understand about being busy away from the blog!
Do post pics of the Critter. Nothing cuter than a freshly-shorn dog.
Tom: Well, I'm devastated. There goes my big plans for OUR relationship. *sigh*
Yes, take her to Mass and talk about the Faith. If God wills, it will happen.
If not, call me! :-)
Tom, bless you for standing up for your faith.If she converts, she will be able to keep her promise to her parents!She would be marrying a man whose religious tradition she is following....Sometimes things things sound better if you turn them around. Anyway, I will pray for her conversion. And I agree, do take her to Mass!-if she will go. I posted a prayer on my blog just now, the prayer to St. Joseph for conversions, and I am going to make it a novena for your girlfriend, starting tonight.
If God wills it, it will be.
Tom, as usual, I like Shirley's advice (maybe because she is my big sister!)
Don't give up on the relationship; she may convert when she knows how seriously you take your faith. It may just inspire her to learn about Catholicism. When you take her to Mass with you, this may present the opportunity for her to ask questions about your faith.
Women like men who are devoted to God. It makes them good family leaders, especially when there are children who need to follow an example.
Auntie A-
You know me too well!
And the with "Go find yourself a nice Catholic girl" advice you sound just like my mom! LOL!
Tracy-
Thank you for your prayers. You know, Catholicism is part of who I am, and there is no inoculating from it. Think of our faith as the "lens" that lets me see into the Devine, and my own personal search for God will always take place within it.
Katie-
You are correct, my friend. There is no quandary for me.
The Critter is at the groomer’s as I write this and I have to pick him up this afternoon. I will post the pics as soon as I have them. How is my pal Winston doing?
Cathy-
LOL! Don't give up, honey. This is shaping up to be a formidable challenge (much more for her and than me). Hope you're doing o.k.:0)
Debbie, Shirley, and PG-
I don't think she's up for conversion. Having said that, it seems to me that she adheres to her tradition NOT because she feels an innate attraction to it, but rather family pressure and family history keeps her in check. I do appreciate your prayers.
I know that your faith is integral to who you are as a person. I have seen people in successful relationships that are of entirely different faiths- it takes serious commitment and a deep, unconditional love I think. I know I could never give up Catholicism either. Christ is the center, and I am amazed at how I practice my faith reconnects me to that, over and over.
I will pray for you both, that you find common ground and mutual understanding/acceptance- and if it isn't meant to be, then that you are able to part as friends.
Thank you, Kris.
Although I'm a little saddened over the whole thing, there is no animosity or anger between us. Besides, it's a little premature (I hope) to think that the end is inevitable.
Tom, one of my sons is going through a similar thing. I am praying hard for them to work it out, because she is a really sweet girl and they seem to belong together. They have made some progress; went for some counseling to a priest, etc. Neither is pressuring the other to convert, but as you know there are some things that people need to agree on as a minimum. Right now we are cautiously optimistic.
I'll pray for you that things work out.
Oh Tom,
This is so difficult. Then again I know two good Catholic girls who are married to Anglican vicars. They don't have it easy, but the key is their joint prayer life (their children are brought up Catholic). Nobody can force you to give up your faith for marriage, the marriage would be null and void, if that were the case.
Does she see you with your rosary? Does she hear you say grace before meals? Does she know about your relationship with the saints in heaven? Has she seen you in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament? Don't hide any of this from her because as it is part of you and she has to accept it.
God Bless,
I'll say an extra prayer for you at Mass today.
xxx
I tagged you but don't feel like you have to play, just had to put four names down fast and your name came to my mind:)
"Love and do what you will" as Augustine said. But be careful - look what happened to Gerald from Cafeteria.
I have two friends who just proposed to their better halfs. I'll be praying for you.
hate to say it - but I think it is the end for y'all.
:-(
I stopped dating men along time ago who could never potentially be my husband (due to any number of factors, my faith just being one of them.)
I found that it was never fair to me or them.
taking it "as far as it will go" is rather unfair thing to request of you as, if one is honest, it won't go anywhere given the current situation.
don't know how long y'all have been together but there is no easy way to end it no matter the length. and I'm not saying you should. Just that it's unfair of her to ask you to hang around for an undetermined length of time and no real potential future as it stands.
the old marriage rules used to include not even dating partners who were not catholic for this very reason. It just leads to heartache.
and if she's only practicing her faith due to family pressure and tradition that can sometimes be worse than if she really believed in it. You don't just marry a girl. You marry the family.
good luck to you guys!!
Well, I'm glad not everyone heeded the "old marriage rules", because I wouldn't have been born! My Mama was a Protestant when she married Dad; later she became a devout Catholic. My husband was also Protestant for the first ten years of our marriage. He is now a permanent deacon. So sometimes things do work out. Not to say it's always been easy.
Melody-
I wish nothing but the best for your son and his girlfriend. I know all too well the mixed emotions he might be experiencing. Hopefully they will find an amicable solution. Please let me know.
P-
Always wise and concise:0) You are soooo correct: You marry the family, not just the girl.
Truth be told, I have a little bit trepidation when it comes to marriage. I have always been under the hopeful expectation that when the right person came along, that fear would diminish completely. When I first met her, there were many things that attracted me to her, and I believed that as the relationship matured, that if she was “the one”, those same things would draw me closer and closer to marriage. Needless to say, this incongruence throws a wrench into my plans. Anyhoo, some part of me wants desperately for things to work out, and some part of me wants to let go.
We’ll see what happens.
Pray much for her and her family:). I will keep you and your situation in my prayers.
God bless you and give you strength:).
Marie
Tom
From one romantic to another, whatever you do, marry someone without whom you cannot live, most especially if she feels the same over you. It's ludicrous to commit 50 or 60 years to, "Well, this is pretty darned good."
For sure, it'd be easier to start out with someone of the same religion. I would suggest that in a heartbeat, having been married twice, once to a non-Catholic, and then to a Catholic.
But.. have you ruled out marrying Lady Poverty?
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